The next generation: Sibling dynamics branch out from Korean roots

Michele Choe is the youngest of six children in her family. The 34-year-old Chicago-based attorney is baby to her Korean father, Caucasian mother and older siblings Margaret, Laura, Jennifer, Stephen and David.

A mere eight-and-a-half years separate the six, and their closeness is evident in the tender way Choe described each: Margaret as the responsible achiever; Stephen as the good-looking jack-of-all-trades; David as the loving father of two.

Growing up, Choe said, each sibling’s role was as distinct as the adults they have become today. She attributes those subtle, and often unsaid, differences to her father’s Korean influences.

Michele Choe introduces her family from Jane Park on Vimeo.

Their father, who emigrated from Korea as a young adult, did not require the Choe children to learn the Korean language and retain Korean cultural traits.

Michele Choe on her biracial childhood from Jane Park on Vimeo.

Still, they always identified with their Korean background.

“We would always sort of name ourselves as Korean,” Choe said.

That was evident when it came to the different roles the Choe siblings assumed in the household, especially those of the eldest two.

“There were very particularized, and not even necessarily verbalized expectations with respect to the eldest daughter and the eldest son,” she said.

Michele Choe on family structure from Jane Park on Vimeo.

Margaret, in particular, acted as the primary communicator between her father and her younger siblings, Choe clearly recalled, “Which is something that I really – in my own mind – link up to my dad’s Korean-ness.”

While her father directly confronted Choe about more serious matters, he usually deferred this job to Choe’s older sister Margaret, who in turn relayed the smaller, everyday concerns to her younger siblings. In retrospect, Choe said, this handing-down of power was a way for her father to retain his “reserved kind of demeanor” as head of the family.

Michele Choe on older sister Margaret from Jane Park on Vimeo.

Even today Margaret serves as a liaison between her father and her brothers and sisters.

“I know that she fulfills that role happily,” Choe said. “She’s an incredible woman, she’s an incredible communicator; but I don’t think that’s always easy.”

This type of hierarchy among siblings is reflected in many immigrant families, said Karen Pyke, an associate professor of sociology at the University of California, Riverside.

In her 2005 study “Generational Deserters” and “Black Sheep”: Acculturative Differences Among Siblings in Asian Immigrant Families, Pyke examined the effects of such differences on family dynamics through in-depth interviews of 32 grown children of Korean and Vietnamese children.

She observed that, in general, elder children had more family obligations and hence were more tied to their ethnicity than their younger, and often more assimilated, siblings. And Pyke said she saw a trickle-down effect in these expectations.

“Parents expected it from older siblings, then older siblings expected it of the younger siblings,” she said. “In practice, in the immigrant family, some power shifts from parent to child.”

But while many respondents in Pyke’s study expressed resentment toward older siblings, whom Pyke dubbed “generational deserters” for identifying more closely with their parents’ generation, Choe said she was more grateful for Margaret and her communication.

Stephen, Choe’s eldest brother, was also an achiever, but less of a communicator in the family.

Michele Choe on older brother Steve from Jane Park on Vimeo.

“There’s sort of nothing that Steve can’t do well,” Choe recalled. As well as flying under the radar of their parents’ watch.

Not that the Choe kids were micromanaged, Choe was clear to point out. But when it came to issues such as dating, Choe said, she felt more closely under her father’s watchful eye.

“It was evident that Steve was getting a little bit more leeway, both as a boy and as the eldest son,” she chuckled.

However, Choe said, this isn’t necessarily unique to the Korean culture.

“I think you can see the same thing in men that are raised in Europe or North America today,” she said.

Choe said that outside of the dating realm, however, her siblings probably thought she had fewer rules to abide by, as the baby of the family.

While each of the siblings had varied amounts of responsibility in family life, Choe said, each clings to his and her Korean roots and hopes to preserve it through posterity. In that, they find common ground.

Choe’s older brother David is a good example.

Michele Choe on older brother David from Jane Park on Vimeo.

Choe said she hopes to follow David’s steps one day, if and when she has children of her own. “I hope that it’s very present,” Choe said of her Korean background and history.

“If I ever have kids I hope it’s something that they embrace and that they’re curious about.”