Ethnic or assimilated? Children of immigrants outline sibling differences

Michelle, Jane and Andrew Park, circa 1995

Before the days of the Park family minivan, I rode in the backseat of our Toyota Camry hatchback – between my sister and brother. I was nine; they were four and two, respectively.

One afternoon a stranger peered through the car’s back window – my parents had stopped for gas – and asked if we were triplets.

At the time I thought it was such a ridiculous, laughable mistake. Couldn’t he see that I was a grown child, and that the other two were strapped in child seats?

Throughout my childhood I was acutely aware of the age difference between myself and my siblings. It meant that I was expected to be mature, giving and motherly to the younger two.

These differences are less noticeable today, now that my sister and brother are teenagers, both taller than I am. We can speak more freely with each other and we feel like members of the same generation. Still, when it comes to retaining Korean values and cultural traits that we’ve observed in our parents, we would all agree that I’m probably the most “Korean” of the three Park children.

Our family’s not unique. Cultural variance occurs among the children of immigrants, quite often regardless of ethnic descent.

We recently held a panel discussion in our newsroom. Young second-generation Americans discussed, among other issues, the generation gap among siblings.

Shala Akintunde, a 30-year-old artist and entrepreneur, grew up with first-generation Nigerian-American parents. While he felt more pressure to assimilate to American society, he said, his sister maintained a strong Nigerian identity that she clings to today.

Shala on his younger sister from Jane Park on Vimeo.

And although Akintunde identifies as a Nigerian-American, he said, his younger sister shows it more readily.

Jennifer Tsang, a Chinese-American college graduate, also cited a notable difference between herself and her younger sister.

Jennifer on her younger sister from Jane Park on Vimeo.

Besides language, small cultural freedoms such as packing an ethnic lunch to school is something that younger siblings can take for granted.

Vicky Yue said she used to be embarrassed to eat anything remotely Chinese at lunchtime. But her teenage brother, she said, seems to enjoy the fact that he can bring food from home that shows where he comes from.

Vicky on her younger brother from Jane Park on Vimeo.

And Radhika Vij asks, “When did our parents become so cool?” in reference to society’s eased attitude toward multiculturalism.

Radhika on ethnic food from Jane Park on Vimeo.

She said it’s definitely easier for younger siblings to adhere to their parents’ cultural ways without the fear of abandoning their American identity.

These young Americans said the generation gap in immigrant families transcends the parent-child relationship – it affects their relationships with their brothers and sisters. But they’re O.K. with that. In fact, it’s a testament, they said, to a changing America, where the descendants of immigrant families can proudly claim two distinct cultures, take the best of both and define themselves with a new twist.